Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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