So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
