Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
