remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
