i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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