So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
