When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
