....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
