I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
