Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
