Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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