Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
