I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
