Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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