i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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