Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
