So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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