You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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