you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
