just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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