You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
