Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
