All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
