ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
