if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
this is an emotional support booty call
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
