Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
