Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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