Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
