I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
