First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
