My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
