Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
