I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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