Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
