walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
