You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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