yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
