I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
