Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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