I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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