how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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