would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
