Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Drunk is a universal language darling
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
