Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Houston, we have a blender
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
