Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
