went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
