why didn't you poke me back
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
