Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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