The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
