Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
